|MY INSTALLATION - "NIGHT TERROR"|
2. There is not an albino slug in the back garden that likes San Miguel beer and kebabs. The children do not need to hear such stories.
3. "There's always a price to pay for genius" is not an acceptable excuse for being drunk enough to be caught chatting up a tree in the back garden.
4. Chips are not one of the children's five a day, and neither is strawberry cheesecake.
5. The "floordrobe" at the side of our bed is apparently unacceptable and constitutes a dangerous obstacle course. It is most certainly not "a Mexican stand-off with my imaginary friend, Tony the Scruffy Ghost".
6. The washing basket is not a modern art installation and it does not constitute a crime against art to disturb it in any way.
7. Modern art is not all "emperor's new clothes bollocks for insufferable pedantic bores".
|R2D2 - FAME TOOK ITS TOLL|
9. The washing machine is not R2D2 who has let himself go and I am allowed to bother him even though I think he is asleep in the corner.
10. It is entirely unnecessary to leave dirty clothes on any floor or to operate a "voluntary rotation system" for washing which involves leaving it there until someone moves it to a wash basket and or machine and back to the floor.
11. The utility room is appropriately named and worth visiting, even though it has not got Batman style gadgets in it.
12. Waving at every car in a mock thank you gesture as I drive past them is not as funny as the kids and I think it is.
These are shortened and cleaned up versions. You didn't see the looks I got.
I will post my new rules in the next day or two. Admittedly, I will not be mentioning them to her at the moment until Tony the Scruffy Ghost and I have them fine tuned.