Sunday, 30 September 2012


  1. Look - is this pic of this person's front or the back?
    So, this lurid chunky Spandex nightmare came at me in the car park and said I needed to learn some 'respec' as I had distractedly neglected to hold a door open for her.

    This woman had a builders arse on the front end of her, astonishing. I don't know if her top was supposed to be up there above the navel (SMART ARSE WIFE) or was too scared of the crevice below it to venture down.

    I said I would likely respect her more if she understood the word rather than use it as a pointless and ill informed attack.

    One of her chins formed into a frown so I said I am older than you, maybe you should respect me for no other reason than I have managed to live longer than you.

    She got pretty fed up with my attitude if what passed for a response was anything to go by.

    There was certain words I understood but quiet a lot that was simply really heavy noise.

    They came at me at a pace and were made all the more terrifying as the pitch and tone directly corresponded with the movement of the front arse.

    It was hypnotic. I was lost in the rise and fall, the turn and twist, the agonised heaving of this heavenly body. It was awkwardly compelling, like watching a couple arguing in a pub.

    Young people please stop using the word respect without understanding its limitations.

    I pointed out to this young pie fan that the t in respect was not silent, it is needed, like it is in twat.

    The classic song is not R.E.S.P.E.C is it , no it's not. It is R.E.S.P.E.C.T - see the T is bloody important as that is how it is how we spell it, with a T.

    I have no reason to respect or indeed 'respec' you. Why would I? I resent the assumption from anyone that I should automatically respect them without knowing them or what they have done to earn the respect. 

    It is a vastly overused word. A word abused by those who fit the award about as much as the Spandex ugliness fitted her majesty in the car park.

    I respect people who are great at what they do, who are kind or brutally annoying.

    People who know what they are and are comfortable with that, or people who simply have never cared about the opinion of others towards them, I respect that.

    I don't respect someone because they are above me in the food chain professionally or are faster than me at football. I don't respect people because they are simply there and somehow deserving of it.

    I most certainly do not respect a two-arsed Spandex simpleton who cannot even say the word properly. If I had know before what I knew afterwards, I would have slammed the door shut.

    We parted company best of pals but I couldn't help thinking someone should buy her a full length mirror, just so she could check what she is inflicting on others as she heads through the town.

    She maybe needs to show a little 'respec' to the sensibilities of sensitive folk like me

    Oh and another thing, not everything is 'random', stop saying that as well.

1 comment:

  1. It's navel, honey. Above the naval is probably the airforce.